i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
