I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
