I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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