its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
