You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
