I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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