Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
