I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
