you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
nutella sex= disaster
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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