I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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