It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The air was thick with penises
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
