don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
