2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
