Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
