My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
