I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
