so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
