its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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