I just saw a hot homeless man
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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