I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
