I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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