so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So much rum. So many feels.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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