that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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