Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
