I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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