Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
