dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
a search helicopter?!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
