it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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