I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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