Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
