i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
