your room smells of hookers.
And success
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
