Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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