I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
