my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
