By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
