He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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