Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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