I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize