his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
