yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
