You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
