they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
