You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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