i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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