Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
