I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My penis needs a shock collar
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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