i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
