At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
