Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
