I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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