Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
