Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
