I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
