I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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