I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
