What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize