my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
