she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
