You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
