During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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