...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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