Her vagina should come with caution tape.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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