I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So many bounce houses so little time
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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