Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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