That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
