life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
