Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
