yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
