wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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